And the winner is….

ME! I win! I win the ‘Most Hateful Mom of the World’ award. How did I win? What did I win? How did you not know that there was even such a contest?! To start, how did I win? I won because I’m the meanest, most horrible mom. What did I win? I won a trip! A Mommy Guilt trip! Just for me. Disclaimer: Sorry this contest was not broadcast state or nationwide.

Well, let me tell you a little bit more of the story….

You see, it all started a long time ago, when my Honey bunny first started “fibbing” to me about brushing & flossing her teeth. This went on for awhile with rewards and/or punishment distributed periodically until the dentist finally had to mandate that she come to the office for check-ups & cleanings every 4 months because her teeth and gums were so badly deteriorating. I’m just gonna say, that my daily nagging was clearly not making a difference cuz she still wasn’t doing it.

Ok! Fast forward to a few days ago when I asked her if she was ready for school, including the usual, EVERY DAY things necessary to be ready for school, e.g., flossing, teeth brushing, face washing, to which she replied “Yes MOM, I’m ready”, and due to the fact that she’s perhaps been less truthful in the past, I asked again (thinking that maybe I’d give her ‘the out’ to come up & complete the tasks if she really hadn’t done them – damn am I an enabler?) but she says to me “WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME?!” *read with whiny voice*

Right. Well, I decide I’d check out the situation in her bathroom sink before jumping to any conclusions. Uh oh. BONE DRY. I MEAN REALLY BONE DRY. Damn it! Now I’m gonna have to do something I really, very much do NOT want to do. What?! You’re probably screaming, what did you do?! I called her to come up to her bathroom and pointed to the Sahara desert that was her sink and asked how she could possibly have washed her face, flossed, and brushed her teeth in that sink. Her response was that it had dried. Suuuuure. At this juncture, I presented exhibit B, her little sister’s bathroom sink which was still wet from when she finished all the morning routine nearly an hour prior.

Shit slowly began to spiral outta control when I tell her that I was gonna have to do something now due to her total lie, that she brought it on herself, and that because she knows what she did was wrong, so on and so forth. I told her that she wouldn’t be able to go to the Halloween dance at school on Friday. Now comes the swirling vortex of crying, begging, pleading, bargaining, and more crying. Oh, just wait, it gets better.

15 minutes it has taken us to have this “conversation”, so now I’m not ready for work and she’s got to get to school before she’s late. I tell her to give me the permission slip & money for the dance. Commence additional wailing, pleading, bargaining (she told me I could take away her CELLPHONE, computer, and TV privileges, if I’d just let her go to the dance – heeyyy, I must have really struck a nerve with this punishment), crying, and the coup de grâce, “YOU HATE ME!!” Ahhhhh, life with an almost teenager. So much fun. Said NO ONE EVER. And now me too. I felt ill and so very sad because I wanted her to go to the dance! And have fun with her friends! But I just couldn’t let it go this time. I had to put my foot down. But damn it if I didn’t feel as horrible about the whole thing as she did. Was I doing the right thing? Will she be scared for the rest of her life? Was I being too harsh? Should her father & I start sleeping with one eye open!?

So! Yesterday. I’m driving her to school and she says to me, “you know my friends told me that I should ask you if there was something that I could do that would make you change your mind about letting me go to the dance…” Me: blah, blah, blah, more useless lecturing that she’s totally not listening to. As she’s getting out of the car she asks me again, “so what’s your answer?” Me: oh, sweetie, I haven’t changed my mind. And then, after school, there’s yet another attempt but this time it includes a request from her Drama teacher to participate in the Haunted House that’s panned for the school dance. “But MOM she wants me to do this!” Me: well that’s unfortunate because you’re not going to the dance. You know what? You gotta give her props for trying!

 

Thanks for listening, or reading (if you must be technical),

Ciao

 

P.S. Last night she mentions to me that her girlfriend is also not going to the dance due to a punishment so MAYBE they could have a sleepover! Bwahahahahaa. Um, no. I’m certain this isn’t over yet. Two more days till the dance. Here’s to hoping I survive.

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So busy I do not know whether I am coming or going

6a00d8345157d269e200e54f406e6b8833-640wiYeah, hi! So I don’t know about you but I’ve been so swamped that I seriously don’t know which way is up. It seems like every single blessed day is jam packed with so much activity. And the last couple weeks were the worse, worst, worstest? Between getting ready to go to Las Vegas, coming back & getting ready for Thanksgiving, cooking all day on Thanksgiving, cleaning up all the shite from Thanksgiving, pulling out all the Christmas decorations, organizing & setting up all the Christmas trees, lights, and decorations, then cleaning all the misc mess from that.  On top of dealing with the gremlins and regular ‘ol household chores, bills, and random stuff. My head hasn’t stopped spinning yet.

It’s a miracle I can even put these sentences together. And work is insane right now. I can’t figure out how I seem to have gotten so behind on stuff.

Every time I begin to think about the list of To Do items I still haven’t written down (let alone started doing) I feel a panic attack coming on. Christmas cards for friends, family, customers… Aaahhhhhhhhk. Christmas shopping for gifts for family & friends… Eeeehhhhhhk. Year end tax papers… Ooohhhhhhhk.  HALP!

stress-picture-stress-relief-kit

Oh, did I mention that I have to take the gremlins Christmas photo so that I can include it with the Christmas cards? No? What about the fact that Pumpkin hacked off two sections of hair right at her bangs? Did I tell you that part? No? Well yeah, she did that last Monday. At least I think I can strategically brush her hair so that it won’t “appear” to be HACKED off in two places. I don’t know why I’m surprised by her doing this. I shouldn’t be. Honey bunny did the same thing. It’s totally normal. But still RIGHT before I have to take their picture?! Could the timing be any better?

Well, anyway, thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

P.S. I’m gonna go avoid doing all the things I know I need to be doing just to F*CK things up for later. Cause I’m a rebel like that. And procrastination is my middle name, baby.

I’m playing the single mom this week or better known as these kids are going to kill me and it’s only Tuesday

The husband and I do a fairly decent job of dividing up tasks related to the children.  Well, all tasks if you get right down to it.  So when he has to go out of town for any reason & for any length of time it throws the whole system out of whack.  It’s not just me that feels it; the gremlins feel the pain too.  There is more rushing, more yelling, more rushing, less time for lounging in PJs, more yelling.  You get the picture.

Well a couple weeks back he went out of town with his folks for a couple days, leaving me home to manage the homestead & the gremlins.  It was only two days and it felt like an eternity.  This time it’s for a whole week.  That means I have to take Honey bunny and Pumpkin to school in the morning!  Yeah, I’m sure that there are some of you out there (maybe only one of you that actually read this) that have to take both children ~or however many children you have, I really couldn’t say cause I may or may not know you & your children~ to school each day.  I’m sorry.  I’m just not used to it!  I’m not used to making the lunches.  I’m not used to leaving the house at 7:25am in order to get Honey bunny to school on time.  I know!  I know.  I know.  What genius decided that the children should start school at 7:45am?!  And then let them out at 1:50pm!?  This is not at all helpful for people who work.  Either times. 

Alright, that sort of got off topic.  But like tonight, making dinner, doing the dishes, and then having to do the bath time thing.  Usually he’s here to run interference for me.  It at least buys me some time to finish up one thing or another.  Without him here?  I’m forced to beg, BEG the children to PLEASE assist me and stop hitting your sister and no, its not ok for you to watch that tv show and go brush your blasted teeth for the 1,000 time.  It’s a tough gig.  And despite the fact that I put Pumpkin into bed at 7pm doesn’t mean she’ll stay there or even go to sleep for like an hour or two.  Instead, I get to play pinball between the two girls rooms… except I’m the ball & you don’t want to be the ball.  You want to be the one hitting the ball between all the thingamabobs that score points.  Really, it’s exhausting.  Oh, and not forgetting to mention the fact that Pumpkin wakes up with the chickens.  Around 5am -ish she’s standing next to my side of the bed telling me she’s ready for breakfast.  I’m ready for my breakfast Mommy, get up.  Nice.       

There is one thing that I like about the husband being out on business… I get the t.v. remote!  Finally.  But this poses a challenge for me as well because now I have to make a decision.  Watch a movie?  Which movie?  Watch t.v. shows?  Which t.v. shows?  Or do I read a book?  Like the 600 page book club book that we’re currently reading?  Or do I twitter or blog?  Or browse around twittermoms?  What about the 609 items waiting in bloglines – yes, really 609 as of this minute – do I read those?  Decisions .. decisions.  I’ll make it through, no doubt about it.  Thankfully it’s only a temporary deal.  Not that much time left before he returns!  You can do it.  Think positive!  Tomorrow will be a better day, one can only hope. 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao