And the winner is….

ME! I win! I win the ‘Most Hateful Mom of the World’ award. How did I win? What did I win? How did you not know that there was even such a contest?! To start, how did I win? I won because I’m the meanest, most horrible mom. What did I win? I won a trip! A Mommy Guilt trip! Just for me. Disclaimer: Sorry this contest was not broadcast state or nationwide.

Well, let me tell you a little bit more of the story….

You see, it all started a long time ago, when my Honey bunny first started “fibbing” to me about brushing & flossing her teeth. This went on for awhile with rewards and/or punishment distributed periodically until the dentist finally had to mandate that she come to the office for check-ups & cleanings every 4 months because her teeth and gums were so badly deteriorating. I’m just gonna say, that my daily nagging was clearly not making a difference cuz she still wasn’t doing it.

Ok! Fast forward to a few days ago when I asked her if she was ready for school, including the usual, EVERY DAY things necessary to be ready for school, e.g., flossing, teeth brushing, face washing, to which she replied “Yes MOM, I’m ready”, and due to the fact that she’s perhaps been less truthful in the past, I asked again (thinking that maybe I’d give her ‘the out’ to come up & complete the tasks if she really hadn’t done them – damn am I an enabler?) but she says to me “WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME?!” *read with whiny voice*

Right. Well, I decide I’d check out the situation in her bathroom sink before jumping to any conclusions. Uh oh. BONE DRY. I MEAN REALLY BONE DRY. Damn it! Now I’m gonna have to do something I really, very much do NOT want to do. What?! You’re probably screaming, what did you do?! I called her to come up to her bathroom and pointed to the Sahara desert that was her sink and asked how she could possibly have washed her face, flossed, and brushed her teeth in that sink. Her response was that it had dried. Suuuuure. At this juncture, I presented exhibit B, her little sister’s bathroom sink which was still wet from when she finished all the morning routine nearly an hour prior.

Shit slowly began to spiral outta control when I tell her that I was gonna have to do something now due to her total lie, that she brought it on herself, and that because she knows what she did was wrong, so on and so forth. I told her that she wouldn’t be able to go to the Halloween dance at school on Friday. Now comes the swirling vortex of crying, begging, pleading, bargaining, and more crying. Oh, just wait, it gets better.

15 minutes it has taken us to have this “conversation”, so now I’m not ready for work and she’s got to get to school before she’s late. I tell her to give me the permission slip & money for the dance. Commence additional wailing, pleading, bargaining (she told me I could take away her CELLPHONE, computer, and TV privileges, if I’d just let her go to the dance – heeyyy, I must have really struck a nerve with this punishment), crying, and the coup de grâce, “YOU HATE ME!!” Ahhhhh, life with an almost teenager. So much fun. Said NO ONE EVER. And now me too. I felt ill and so very sad because I wanted her to go to the dance! And have fun with her friends! But I just couldn’t let it go this time. I had to put my foot down. But damn it if I didn’t feel as horrible about the whole thing as she did. Was I doing the right thing? Will she be scared for the rest of her life? Was I being too harsh? Should her father & I start sleeping with one eye open!?

So! Yesterday. I’m driving her to school and she says to me, “you know my friends told me that I should ask you if there was something that I could do that would make you change your mind about letting me go to the dance…” Me: blah, blah, blah, more useless lecturing that she’s totally not listening to. As she’s getting out of the car she asks me again, “so what’s your answer?” Me: oh, sweetie, I haven’t changed my mind. And then, after school, there’s yet another attempt but this time it includes a request from her Drama teacher to participate in the Haunted House that’s panned for the school dance. “But MOM she wants me to do this!” Me: well that’s unfortunate because you’re not going to the dance. You know what? You gotta give her props for trying!


Thanks for listening, or reading (if you must be technical),



P.S. Last night she mentions to me that her girlfriend is also not going to the dance due to a punishment so MAYBE they could have a sleepover! Bwahahahahaa. Um, no. I’m certain this isn’t over yet. Two more days till the dance. Here’s to hoping I survive.


Tuesday of randomness


According to my calendar, it’s Tuesday. Soooooo I get to bore entertain you with my Random Tuesday Thoughts. You’re excited, I know you are.

Yay me! I survived the tent camping trip this last weekend. It has been YEARS since I last went tent camping and I’m a bit more girly now. Meaning I like to be clean, wear nice clothes, have full make-up on, hair styled, etc. As is fairly obvious, you can’t tent camp and do ANY of those things. Well, that is with much success anyway.

We camped at a site that is located at a lake, therefore we were able to also go boating. Our friends camped with us & their kiddos are the same age as our gremlins so they played together nicely and in a couple cases not so nicely. But overall they had a blast riding the tube as the husband did his best to scare them silly by dragging them this way & that across the lake. I went wake-boarding again! My muscles are a bit sore for the unusual exercise. Although, not nearly as bad as the first time I went. Plus! Oh happy day! I got up first try both times!! I’m a pro now. Ahahahaha. But seriously it is a lot of fun once you get the hang of it.

Speaking of Honey bunny, who is in 4th grade now, {sobbing} she has more homework than we anticipated and is receiving letter grades on tests and report cards. This is the real deal now people.

Devil Wears Prada. I’m sure you’ve heard of it… the book & the movie. Never got around to reading the book but I luuuurve the movie. So I got to thinking the other morning when Pumpkin was asking me where the brush with the plastic top parts was that she was playing with the other day that I have my very own Miranda Priestly! Remember how she would barrel through throwing her coat & handbag on the desk and ask for random things?! I feel like my kid does that! And I’m stunned. THE HELL? How do I know where the brush with the plastic top parts is now located??!! Go look in the disaster area you call a bedroom. Sheesh.

Tonight we went to dinner for my sister’s 36th birthday. YO, I’m gettin’ old over here. {more sobbing} I don’t think I can say anything else about that without crying some more.

We’re reading The Time Traveler’s Wife for our book club this month. I’m enjoying it. I just need to read it more consistently so that I can get it finished before we have our next meeting. Yeah, I’ll probably go see the movie too. And yeah, in comparison to the book, it’ll probably suck. Meh. I’ll just try to enjoy it for what it is. Who knows, I could be wrong. It might not suck. Cynical much?

This weekend is the annual BBQ & blues party hosted by the parent’s of our friends. It’s a party that we look forward to all year long. This is the 2nd year that we’ve been invited and believe you me, we’re thrilled its coming up in a few short days. Can you say PARTY? Live awesome blues band, excellent food, great company, and lots of alcohol type beverages. BEYAWESOME. For those of you who haven’t seen Bolt… beyawesome = beyond awesome.

I just noticed that there is a bug in the cup of water that I’ve been drinking for the last 10 minutes while finishing up this post. BLECH. YUCKY.

And finally, allergies can suckit! It is barely getting into the Fall season and I’ve got itchy nose/throat sneezing crap. Go away. No one wants you here.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Random Extravaganza


Well it may have been a good handful of Tuesdays since I last participated in Random Tuesday Thoughts but I made it! I’m here! So lets get on with the randomness…

My little Pumpkin got her new karate belt today! Yes, already! It’s wild. She just started at the end of March and already she has begun her advancement toward black belt. Only 6 more years to go. Heh.

The husband & I decided to take the plunge and buy a boat. Not a new boat or a big boat or fancy schmancy boat, just a simple 10 year old boat that we can take the gremlins out and a perhaps a few friends to do a bit of wake boarding, inner tubing, or whathaveyou. We’re taking it out tomorrow for the first time. We’ve managed to convince a friend of ours to come along and show us a thing or two about how to use the bloody thing! This should be fun. Oh, and did I mention, the weather people – who think they know what will happen with the weather – are now calling for possible rain & thunder?! IN JUNE. IN CALIFORNIA. The Hell?

I’m going to Las Vegas again & I am sooooooooooooooooo, sooooooooooooooo, soooooooooooooo excited! Now with extra O’s!! My best girlfriend from forever will be there on a business trip and I’m meeting her for a few days. HOLY CRAP I’m so excited! It has been nearly 5 years since I last saw her. We’re planning to go out dancing & see a Cirque du Soleil show & whatever else we feel like doing. Cause the husbands won’t be there and the gremlins won’t be there and we might just decide to sleep all three days. Who knows!

Went and got a spray tan done tonight. Go ahead, judge me if you want, I don’t give a *BLEEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP* what you think. I do not intend to go to Las Vegas in the summer, mind you, looking like a ghost. Nope, no way, no how. And given I don’t have spare hours in my day to head on over to the beach or even lay out on my own deck, I’m forced to do the fakey stuff.

At least they got a new machine with a whole 25 bazillion steps to follow so that it will hopefully look like a natural tan. We shall see.

Friday is the last day of school for Honey bunny. I won’t be there. Boohoo. But I’ll be in Las Vegas! YEA ME! It just amazes me that the school year is done. Man that went by fast. And I know I’ve said it before but I can’t believe my baby is going into 4th grade! {sobbing} Someone hold me.

My, oh my, she will be busy this summer. She is going to three different camps & a summer program with her after school care people. I better not hear WORD ONE about being bored. Or I don’t know what I’ll do.

I’ve gotta go get some shut eye. Early morning tomorrow… if I get a couple minutes I’ll tell you all about the boating experience. Maybe with pictures?

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Really Random


Is it Tuesday already? I wouldn’t know since I completely forgot what day it is and didn’t remember to pick up Honey bunny from school. Yeah, I forgot to get my child from school. {raises hands in the air} I win! I win! I win! For Mother of the Year! Thankfully I realized I had forgotten to get her only 30 minutes after class was dismissed. I called the office, as I raced to the school, and she was sitting in there patiently reading her book & waiting for her brain-scrambled mom.

This has been sitting in my Bloglines for a couple weeks. Isn’t this puppy adorable!!?!

I want to do this so so so so so bad. But I waited until the last second to start training. Therefore I’m not at all certain I’ll be physically prepared. I need to get out this weekend & do some running. We’ll see.

Our tiny little town has been suffering from A**holes or one particular A**hole who has decided to attack woman in the grocery store parking lot. Three attacks in as many weeks. Now, the husband won’t let me go to the grocery store or Target or anywhere else without him. And while I appreciate his concern – it puts a big damper on finishing my errands.

Pumpkin started karate today! She was the tiniest one out there. At just 4 years old she is also the youngest. I was hesitant about starting her this early but she reeeaaaalllllyyy wants to be like big sister and participate in karate.

On Saturday I was at a girlfriend’s baby shower and after removing my rings to wash my hands, my wedding ring slipped out of my fingers and went RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN. Yes! Yes it did! Apparently my guardian angel ~or someone like it~ was looking out for me cause when I looked into the drain my ring was sitting crosswise on a small metal bar. Well, after freaking out for a minute I went to find my friend’s sister to help me get my ring outta there. Luckily she was able to get it right out after we untwisted a wire hanger to make a fish hook. Phew.

Almost every single weekend from now till the end of summer is booked solid. No, I’m not kidding. Booked solid. And in some cases triple-booked. One weekend in June there are three major things we’ve been invited to. All on the same bloody weekend. How are we supposed to decide WTF to do? Prioritize by level of importance? Years known? Distance from us? Flip a coin? Huh? Huh? Hell if I know.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),


The third grader & the planet project

For the last week we’ve been helping Honey bunny with a project for school. She’s required to complete a report on the planet Saturn (her choice) which includes:

  1. 1-2 pages written by the child including a summarizing paragraph,
  2. a title page,
  3. a bibliography,
  4. 3×5 card with 4 facts,
  5. for her oral presentation,
  6. a 3-D model of the planet

Now, she has known about this project for over one month… has she worked on any of it until the week before it’s due? Um, that would be a big fat –No! What is it with always waiting until the last second before a project is due to begin working on said project?

And here’s the thing, I really didn’t like working on projects, assignments, blahbity blah blah when I was in school yet now I have to help my child! I don’t wanna do it. {stamps foot} Obviously, as her mother I am her primary teacher in life and a teacher’s assistant to her classroom teacher. Therefore, I will help her in any & every way that I can. But I’m not going to do it for her. Which is a discussion in & of itself for another day… parents who do the projects for their child because they believe the final result reflects on them as parents.

What really kills me is the drama & the whining & complaining & tantrums (and that’s just from me) that inevitably follow the announcement that it’s time once again for her to work on this project. Boy oh boy does this bring back memories from childhood. Like the arguments I had with my own mother about how and when to do the assignments. I’m having those same arguments with my daughter. And what I know is that this is only the beginning. Well who am I kidding? Since she’s been in school we’ve had arguments about how & when to do homework – not just special projects. She has a minimum 8 more years of school. On top of that, we’ve got Pumpkin to go through all this joy with as well. GOODY!

I’m not entirely sure if all the debating and arguing is because she’s as stubborn and strong-willed ~read: know-it-all~ as myself or if every child acts this way when it comes to homework and projects but I’ll tell you what, it’s annoying as hell.

Some of the items have been easy enough for her to start and finish on her own like the 3×5 card with 4 facts and the title page & bibliography. Some of the items, hmmmmmm, not so much. Like the summarizing paragraph portion of this assignment! It has taken her half a day. Ridiculous! I know. But she continually wants to write new facts or pieces of information and then has to start again from scratch. It has been so challenging trying to explain to her what the purpose is for the final paragraph especially given the fact that she is so apt to argue with me. Grrrrrr. Guess I should call my mom to apologize for all the years I fought with her over my homework. Oh, and that “mother’s curse” thing, it really works.

Well, Honey bunny’s gonna have this project wrapped up today if it’s the last thing I do. I’m tired of it hanging over our heads like a great big thunder cloud. That and I’ve got enough other tasks that need to be accomplished… say… getting all our tax papers together for the CPA.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),