Hair roller hell or how I almost had to cut my kid’s hair outta rollers

I know I’m not the only Mom to which this situation has happened. But it’s never happened to me before! I nearly had to cut out 10 hair rollers from my Little Pumpkin’s hair!! All because of the BLEEPITY BLEEPING BLEEP hair rollers were all tangled in her hair!! And we had FIVE minutes before she had to leave for school! And I was panicking!! And she was screaming!! And there was crying!! And OMG HELP US!! I felt horrible, absolutely terrible about the whole ordeal. Her poor little scalp. Not to mention her psyche.

Well, despite all the screaming and crying it turned out all right. I was finally able to get her hair untangled from the roller’s teeth (which were really the culprits all along) WITHOUT cutting her hair at random points. Damn, that would have been a real nightmare. Probably these rollers weren’t meant for her length of hair anyway because of the teeth. Really, the damn things were given to my gremlins to pretend play beauty salon (or whatever) and I should have just thrown them away a long time ago. Which is EXACTLY what I did as soon as the husband & Pumpkin were on their way to school.

I just have to add, I did try to warn her about these particular rollers when I was putting them in her hair. We also have the foamy, squishy kind that DON’T get tangled in hair. But NOOOOO, she wanted to have these ones put in. So, lesson learned. Hopefully. What lesson do I hope that she learned? LISTEN to your mother. What lesson did I learn? Push your argument a little stronger.  Maybe, she’ll listen. Or most likely, she’ll still want her own way. What am I gonna do? She’s got a determined personality. Much like her mother & father.

 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

And the winner is….

ME! I win! I win the ‘Most Hateful Mom of the World’ award. How did I win? What did I win? How did you not know that there was even such a contest?! To start, how did I win? I won because I’m the meanest, most horrible mom. What did I win? I won a trip! A Mommy Guilt trip! Just for me. Disclaimer: Sorry this contest was not broadcast state or nationwide.

Well, let me tell you a little bit more of the story….

You see, it all started a long time ago, when my Honey bunny first started “fibbing” to me about brushing & flossing her teeth. This went on for awhile with rewards and/or punishment distributed periodically until the dentist finally had to mandate that she come to the office for check-ups & cleanings every 4 months because her teeth and gums were so badly deteriorating. I’m just gonna say, that my daily nagging was clearly not making a difference cuz she still wasn’t doing it.

Ok! Fast forward to a few days ago when I asked her if she was ready for school, including the usual, EVERY DAY things necessary to be ready for school, e.g., flossing, teeth brushing, face washing, to which she replied “Yes MOM, I’m ready”, and due to the fact that she’s perhaps been less truthful in the past, I asked again (thinking that maybe I’d give her ‘the out’ to come up & complete the tasks if she really hadn’t done them – damn am I an enabler?) but she says to me “WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME?!” *read with whiny voice*

Right. Well, I decide I’d check out the situation in her bathroom sink before jumping to any conclusions. Uh oh. BONE DRY. I MEAN REALLY BONE DRY. Damn it! Now I’m gonna have to do something I really, very much do NOT want to do. What?! You’re probably screaming, what did you do?! I called her to come up to her bathroom and pointed to the Sahara desert that was her sink and asked how she could possibly have washed her face, flossed, and brushed her teeth in that sink. Her response was that it had dried. Suuuuure. At this juncture, I presented exhibit B, her little sister’s bathroom sink which was still wet from when she finished all the morning routine nearly an hour prior.

Shit slowly began to spiral outta control when I tell her that I was gonna have to do something now due to her total lie, that she brought it on herself, and that because she knows what she did was wrong, so on and so forth. I told her that she wouldn’t be able to go to the Halloween dance at school on Friday. Now comes the swirling vortex of crying, begging, pleading, bargaining, and more crying. Oh, just wait, it gets better.

15 minutes it has taken us to have this “conversation”, so now I’m not ready for work and she’s got to get to school before she’s late. I tell her to give me the permission slip & money for the dance. Commence additional wailing, pleading, bargaining (she told me I could take away her CELLPHONE, computer, and TV privileges, if I’d just let her go to the dance – heeyyy, I must have really struck a nerve with this punishment), crying, and the coup de grâce, “YOU HATE ME!!” Ahhhhh, life with an almost teenager. So much fun. Said NO ONE EVER. And now me too. I felt ill and so very sad because I wanted her to go to the dance! And have fun with her friends! But I just couldn’t let it go this time. I had to put my foot down. But damn it if I didn’t feel as horrible about the whole thing as she did. Was I doing the right thing? Will she be scared for the rest of her life? Was I being too harsh? Should her father & I start sleeping with one eye open!?

So! Yesterday. I’m driving her to school and she says to me, “you know my friends told me that I should ask you if there was something that I could do that would make you change your mind about letting me go to the dance…” Me: blah, blah, blah, more useless lecturing that she’s totally not listening to. As she’s getting out of the car she asks me again, “so what’s your answer?” Me: oh, sweetie, I haven’t changed my mind. And then, after school, there’s yet another attempt but this time it includes a request from her Drama teacher to participate in the Haunted House that’s panned for the school dance. “But MOM she wants me to do this!” Me: well that’s unfortunate because you’re not going to the dance. You know what? You gotta give her props for trying!

 

Thanks for listening, or reading (if you must be technical),

Ciao

 

P.S. Last night she mentions to me that her girlfriend is also not going to the dance due to a punishment so MAYBE they could have a sleepover! Bwahahahahaa. Um, no. I’m certain this isn’t over yet. Two more days till the dance. Here’s to hoping I survive.

A “funny” thing happened on the way to lunch

I’m trying to decide whether to give you the long version or the short version.  Or the medium short version.  Or the semi-long version.  How much time have you got?  Well I’ll give you the semi-medium long version because you’re probably skimming anyway.

Ok, here goes, just a bit of back story first.  Honey bunny is afraid of needles.  I blame this on her father & grandfather who have some how managed to pass this fear onto her either by genetics or osmosis or whathaveyou.  In any case she doesn’t like needles.  Now.  She’s been wanting to get her ears pierced for a couple of years.  Initially I told her she had to wait till she was older.  Then on her birthday I told her if she wanted them pierced, then we’d get them done.  Her fear overcame her desire to be like her friends – most of whom have had their ears pierced for ages.  So, ok fine, we’ll wait a bit longer, no biggie.

Well, this last week she told me she was really ready.  Really really this time.

As it happened we had to go to the mall to find a birthday gift for my dad and happy coincidence we’d be in the very place that housed Claire’s.  If you don’t have girl children or aren’t a women, then you’ll have zero idea of the place I speak.  However, if you are a woman or have girl children, then you know this store is the Mecca of all things girly.

Our first stop was Claire’s to get the piercing over & done with since Honey bunny was beginning to get nervous about the whole needle/pain/fear of unknown experience.  There was only one girl working in the store.  And it took her forever to come over, get things set-up, fill out the paperwork (because they have to protect their asses in case of a screw-up or infection or blah blah blah).  This delay was causing Honey bunny to think more, more, more about the needles/pain/fear of unknown.  FINALLY!  The chick was ready to do the piercing.  At this point, Honey bunny has begun to alternately hold her breath & breath in and out really fast. You can imagine what this was doing to her physically.

I held tight to Honey bunny’s hand while the chick put the ear-piercing apparatus up to my child’s ear lobe. I was using my best soothing Mommy voice to try to keep Honey bunny from completely flipping out and began counting down 3…2…1… expecting the chick to pierce her ear at ‘1’ like any normal person with half a brain would do but did she? NO! I got to ‘1’ and she waited like 5 seconds later then pierced her ear. WTF?! We moved on to Honey’s other ear lobe and did the count down again… this time I’m thinking ok she must know to do this thing on ‘1’ but does she? NO! AGAIN! She waited 5 seconds before doing the piercing.

This whole time Honey bunny has been silently crying, holding her breath, and squeezing my hand. Well, it was at last over so I did my best to cheer her for her bravery, congratulate her on the new jewellery, and get her to breath normally!

I look down at my little Pumpkin, who I should have known would be watching the whole thing go down, and she is pale as can be with no color in her lips AT ALL. She tells me, “mommy I don’t feel good in my tummy, I think I’m gonna throw up”. She begins gagging!! I start freaking out because I’ve never seen her so pale & she’s threatening to throw up in the middle of a store. Meanwhile Honey bunny is saying to me, “mommy, I see blue spots and I can’t really hear and I think I’m gonna be sick”. All I can think is: ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW???!!!

So I tell Honey bunny to stay in the chair, don’t get up, and breath slowly. I take Pumpkin out of the store to distract her from being sick – look over there! Oh, what about that thing! Did you see those over there?! – this does not help. We go back into the store so I can pay for this ear piercing nightmare. We all go over to the register and Honey bunny is still complaining about throwing up so I get her standing in front of a big trash bag. The chick starts ringing us up and Pumpkin is falling asleep on my should but more like passing out than sleeping so I begin massaging her face and her arm and talking to her in a loud voice telling her to wake up.

As if the clerk is finally noticing all the HELL I’m going thru, she offers to get the girls lollipops. Maybe it will help, she offers. YA THINK? Honey bunny starts sucking on the lollipop right away but Pumpkin refuses it, flatout. Not much I can do about that. I paid the bill and we left the store.

We are just about to the food court when I see there’s a Jamba Juice and I think – hey, this place sells stuff with a lot of sugar in it. perhaps it will help these children feel better! So we’re standing in line about to order our drinks when Pumpkin throws up ~mind you, I’m holding her in my arms~ all over her shirt, her dolly, and on part of the floor. Two things go through my mind: one, did any of it get on me ANYWHERE? and two, how fast can we disappear to the bathroom to get cleaned up?

To make this long story a little bit shorter, I’ll wrap this up by saying… I got Pumpkin cleaned up but we went to Target & I bought her a new shirt to wear since we still hadn’t bought my dad’s gift or gone to lunch with my mom & sister. They both got Jamba Juice and it did help them to feel better. I, on the other hand, did not get Jamba juice and I was still a bit shell shocked from the whole experience. But Honey bunny is thrilled with her earrings – she got Amethyst colored stones – and she has spent the last 4 days showing everyone her new earrings. So all ended well.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),
Ciao