Someone is NOT happy with me

Better late than never… I say that because her b-day was last month. Ahem. And this photo was from the week of her party. I was “helping” my Little Pumpkin get the invitations ready for her 8th birthday party. But I got a bit ahead of her. This is what I get for trying to help! Disgruntled almost 8 yr old says…

Nothing like a temper tantrum over imessage. And aren’t parents suppose to ruin everything for their kids? I’m fairly certain that is listed in my unofficial title. Mom, Ruiner of EVERYTHING! In case you were wondering, all I did was fill in the details of the party. Exactly as all the other invites were written. With the same exact pen, even. But I ruined them! Haha. So I handed out those bitches anyway or the kid wouldn’t have had any friends at her party.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),


Hair roller hell or how I almost had to cut my kid’s hair outta rollers

I know I’m not the only Mom to which this situation has happened. But it’s never happened to me before! I nearly had to cut out 10 hair rollers from my Little Pumpkin’s hair!! All because of the BLEEPITY BLEEPING BLEEP hair rollers were all tangled in her hair!! And we had FIVE minutes before she had to leave for school! And I was panicking!! And she was screaming!! And there was crying!! And OMG HELP US!! I felt horrible, absolutely terrible about the whole ordeal. Her poor little scalp. Not to mention her psyche.

Well, despite all the screaming and crying it turned out all right. I was finally able to get her hair untangled from the roller’s teeth (which were really the culprits all along) WITHOUT cutting her hair at random points. Damn, that would have been a real nightmare. Probably these rollers weren’t meant for her length of hair anyway because of the teeth. Really, the damn things were given to my gremlins to pretend play beauty salon (or whatever) and I should have just thrown them away a long time ago. Which is EXACTLY what I did as soon as the husband & Pumpkin were on their way to school.

I just have to add, I did try to warn her about these particular rollers when I was putting them in her hair. We also have the foamy, squishy kind that DON’T get tangled in hair. But NOOOOO, she wanted to have these ones put in. So, lesson learned. Hopefully. What lesson do I hope that she learned? LISTEN to your mother. What lesson did I learn? Push your argument a little stronger.  Maybe, she’ll listen. Or most likely, she’ll still want her own way. What am I gonna do? She’s got a determined personality. Much like her mother & father.


Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),


Elf on the shelf

You see this innocent looking elf sitting so benignly on the shelf? Yeah, it’s a huge thorn in my side! Why? You may ask. Because it is just ONE MORE THING I have to remember in the month of December in addition to the dozen birthdays and two dozen Christmas gifts I have to remember to get, that’s why!!

If you don’t know about this Elf on the Shelf guy, then let me fill you in on the deal… so last year my mother decided we too should enjoy the lovely tradition of the elf on a shelf. This little elf comes with a storybook explaining all about how ‘Clyde’ -as he is known in our house- comes to stay during December to watch the boys and/or girls to make sure they are being good children and then every night he “leaves” to report to Santa Claus as to whether or not they’re behaving. Then he “returns” the next day in a new location somewhere in your home. Can you see where this is going?

I’ve forgotten about moving him 3 of the 7 days of the month already! Oh, I eventually remember to move him but usually it’s the next morning. Last year I lost track of the number of times I awoke in the middle of the night only to scramble outta bed to move him. Last night I forgot entirely & when the gremlins were leaving for school this morning, Pumpkin asked where Clyde was and I said, “Oh S#%T!!” not out loud -obviously- but in my head because he was in exactly the same spot as yesterday!!

I’ll have to come up with a clever story to explain why he didn’t move. Awesome. So much fun!

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

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Reduce, Reuse, Recycle or more like reuse, recycle and reuse again

The title of this post might lead you to believe that I’m gonna discuss how to be good to planet Earth. But you’d be WRONG! I don’t really care about the planet. I kid, I kid. I care a little. Ok, so really this is an idea that I picked up from Enna’s blog and specifically her post “Pork from a year ago”. It got me thinking that I should reminisce about the past some more and maybe share with you good folks a few of my posts from the past. Sort of like ghosts from the past. But less ghostly. It only took me months to complete. Heh.

Now, are you starting to get the tie-in with my title? You all have brains, I’m sure I don’t need to explain it anymore. Reading through these old post also reminds me that there once was a time when I actually wrote posts with a central topic, a beginning, a middle, and an end. Oh well. Life is busier now. And I don’t have as much time to focus on my writing.

I’ll start this out with a post from my other blog that I seem to have forgotten existed until a nice person commented on this post about growing up. The scary thing is it was from nearly 3 freakin’ years ago. Holy mother of —. THREE years. And the angst that I was feeling then has multiplied by infinity. You can do the math.

This post is one in which I frustrate my daughter. Mwahahahahaha. I’m so glad I get to torture her every now and again.

Still haven’t figured out how to keep everyone from yelling at each other.

How about this… mommy has a tantrum the likes of which no one has ever seen before. I still haven’t gotten my time out.

Bedtime = funtime or not really. Although I must say, it is getting a smidge easier since Pumpkin is getting older.

In which I have to have the talk with Honey bunny.

I need a wife to do my laundry cause I really don’t like to do laundry. But then who in their right mind likes to do laundry?

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

What? Wait?! What did you say?

So Christmas was last week, as I’m sure you all recall. Santa brought us a wii, wii fit & rock band ~all in all a great score of gifts as far as I’m concerned. There’s another story in there but I don’t have time to go into it all right now. Perhaps at another time. The reason for this post is to share the wonderful story of how… hold up I’m getting ahead of myself a little… let me step back and tell you about it from start to finish.

Since getting the wii, wii fit & rock band we’ve been playing these games just about non-stop. And having a blast while doing it, I might add. I suggested to Honey bunny that we try the wii golf. They have a 3-hole practice mode & I figured that would be a good start instead of doing the 9-hole game which would take waaaaaaay too much time, attention, and energy from both of us.

Anyway, so we got started and it was going along just fine until she got to a more challenging hole. Yep, that’s when it got *ahem* interesting. See, she was getting a little frustrated that she couldn’t get the ball around a tree (and what I find amusing about this is how realistic that scenario is… how many golfers get pissed when they’re stuck behind a tree or in a sand trap and they can’t get around/out?).

OK, what came next is really the crux of this post… so she says somewhat under her breath, “I hate it when the fuckin’ thing…” Uh huh, you read that right. My 9 YEAR OLD daughter said “fuckin”.

I looked at her and she looked at me. I asked her as calmly as possible, “did you actually just say what I think you said?” Immediately she runs over to me, throws her arms around me, and begins crying, “oh mommy, I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” I had flashbacks from the movie ‘A Christmas Story’. Well, I didn’t handle it quite like they did in the movie. I thought about putting soap in her mouth, I thought about sending her to her room, I thought about grounding her for a week but I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I hugged her really tight and then had her look me in the face while I asked her not to say that kind of thing EVER AGAIN.

WHAT the heck was I to do?! I mean I’ve said the ‘F’ word in front of her on SEVERAL occasions (totally not on purpose, mind you)!!! Plus there’s the fact that she had just spent a day & a half with her older cousins. Much older cousins. Cousins that don’t watch what they say around younger kids. Cousins that only monitor the things they say when grown-ups are present. Do you sense a pattern here? I’m trying to blame it on the cousins. Of course I know it’s not entirely their fault. Yes! I do realize that it is my fault. I’m the Mom. It’s always my fault.

Hopefully, she freaked herself out enough worrying about my reaction that she won’t say that again. At least, in front of me.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream, or at least less arguing at bedtime

Bedtime is such a pleasant time in our household. Bwhahahahahaha. No, not really. It is, and I’m sure this comes as no surprise to you, a challenge. As it probably is in your household as well. I’m guessing. But I suppose I could be wrong. Maybe it’s a breeze for you. If it is, then DON’T tell me. I wanna keep believing that I’m not alone in this nightmare.

Anywhoo, with two gremlins at two diverse age groups with two different bedtimes, it is quite a bit of work. But perhaps I’m making this harder on myself than necessary. Let me explain… right now I begin getting Pumpkin ready for bed at roughly 6:30pm. This includes bath, getting pjs on, teeth brushing, reading a couple books, back rubbing for a minute or so, hugs or three, kisses, more hugs, and more kisses, a cup of water, a trip to the bathroom. More water. Now take all that and times it by two because at approx 7:45pm I’m doing this same thing all over again for Honey bunny. Only with fewer books (since she can read on her own) and less help with the putting on of pjs and teeth brushing because really she’s nine. She’s been doing this for awhile.

If I just put them to bed at the same time it probably wouldn’t be as bad. Or I could be totally deluding myself.

Honey bunny would whine & moan & stomp & whine (yes, I wrote that again intentionally), oh and let us not forget the backtalking! and attitude! about going to bed so early if I switched her bedtime to match that of Pumpkin’s. On the other hand, if I allow Pumpkin to stay up until Honey bunny’s bedtime, then I’ll end up having to deal with an extra extra grumpy little gremlin come morning.

As it is right now Pumpkin ends up staying awake until after 8pm because of all the activity that is still taking place throughout the house. She’s in and out of her bed nearly a half dozen times before she finally settles down to sleep. RIDICULOUSNESS! And there is only so many times I can say, “Pumpkin, get back in bed!”

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m being manipulated by my 4 year old. Actually, I’ll say it, I am being manipulated by my 4 year old. Sheesh. But what the hell am I supposed to do – tie her to the bed? I’m kidding. I have only thought about doing that a couple 1,000 times, I wouldn’t really, actually, *in fact* tie her to the bed. Do you think that would work? Still kidding. Heh.

What to do… what to do. I’m too tired to keep fighting this battle. I want to go get some sleep at some point before midnight! And I want to do it without arguing, fighting, crying, and whining & that’s all on my part.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

In need of a laundry fairy? Yeah, me too!

I wish I could say, “Oh, HELLLL NO they diiin’t” But to be honest, this right here is pretty much how it is in my house. I’ll admit it is really funny, though. And probably how it is in every household in the world. OK, I’m sure it’s not that way in EVERY household in the world but lets be realistic, in ALMOST every household around the world it’s gospel. Right? Right?

Laundry is my least favorite chore. HA! Who am I kidding? All chores are my least favorite chore!! At least I don’t have to schlep dirty & clean clothes up and down stairs anymore.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),