Heaven help us

We're gonna have an official teenager in our midst very, very soon. GAH!! Oh, sure we've been getting the tween attitude for a while now but my Honey bunny is officially turning teen in less than 3 days. You know what scares me about this whole situation, beyond the typical teenagery stuff, she has internet access! She knows the name of my blog! At any point in time she can type in the url, be whizzed away, and read EVERY LAST THING I've written about her, her sister, myself, and at times, her father on this VERY BLOG!! Not to mention the random posts about whathaveyou, that until this point in time I've never worried about her reading.

NOW! Now, I am most assuredly freaking out. Probably there is no reason to have a conniption fit before the fact. I just tend to do that sort of thing, you understand.

But I digress, my baby is becoming a teenager. The HELL. My BABY is becoming a teenager. Hold on a sec while I process that thought… Ok, I'm back.

The two of us have been party planning for awhile now. It's a delicate balance between kids party and non-kids party. She decided to invite some boys this year. Oooooohh! I know. Boys!! The husband & I are figuring that we'll be kept on our toes by this gathering since it's at our house. She wondered out-loud to me, what if there's an awkward moment or we don't know what to say. So we've been detailing what to do for the whole time to try to minimize any weirdness. I hope for her sake that this party is fun for her & her friends.

I'm so proud of her and all she's accomplished in her life to-date. I'm sure I'll be even more proud of her in the years to come. Probably we won't always get along in these up-coming years but it'll no doubt be interesting!

Happy 13th birthday to my Honey bunny!!

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

 

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And the winner is….

ME! I win! I win the ‘Most Hateful Mom of the World’ award. How did I win? What did I win? How did you not know that there was even such a contest?! To start, how did I win? I won because I’m the meanest, most horrible mom. What did I win? I won a trip! A Mommy Guilt trip! Just for me. Disclaimer: Sorry this contest was not broadcast state or nationwide.

Well, let me tell you a little bit more of the story….

You see, it all started a long time ago, when my Honey bunny first started “fibbing” to me about brushing & flossing her teeth. This went on for awhile with rewards and/or punishment distributed periodically until the dentist finally had to mandate that she come to the office for check-ups & cleanings every 4 months because her teeth and gums were so badly deteriorating. I’m just gonna say, that my daily nagging was clearly not making a difference cuz she still wasn’t doing it.

Ok! Fast forward to a few days ago when I asked her if she was ready for school, including the usual, EVERY DAY things necessary to be ready for school, e.g., flossing, teeth brushing, face washing, to which she replied “Yes MOM, I’m ready”, and due to the fact that she’s perhaps been less truthful in the past, I asked again (thinking that maybe I’d give her ‘the out’ to come up & complete the tasks if she really hadn’t done them – damn am I an enabler?) but she says to me “WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME?!” *read with whiny voice*

Right. Well, I decide I’d check out the situation in her bathroom sink before jumping to any conclusions. Uh oh. BONE DRY. I MEAN REALLY BONE DRY. Damn it! Now I’m gonna have to do something I really, very much do NOT want to do. What?! You’re probably screaming, what did you do?! I called her to come up to her bathroom and pointed to the Sahara desert that was her sink and asked how she could possibly have washed her face, flossed, and brushed her teeth in that sink. Her response was that it had dried. Suuuuure. At this juncture, I presented exhibit B, her little sister’s bathroom sink which was still wet from when she finished all the morning routine nearly an hour prior.

Shit slowly began to spiral outta control when I tell her that I was gonna have to do something now due to her total lie, that she brought it on herself, and that because she knows what she did was wrong, so on and so forth. I told her that she wouldn’t be able to go to the Halloween dance at school on Friday. Now comes the swirling vortex of crying, begging, pleading, bargaining, and more crying. Oh, just wait, it gets better.

15 minutes it has taken us to have this “conversation”, so now I’m not ready for work and she’s got to get to school before she’s late. I tell her to give me the permission slip & money for the dance. Commence additional wailing, pleading, bargaining (she told me I could take away her CELLPHONE, computer, and TV privileges, if I’d just let her go to the dance – heeyyy, I must have really struck a nerve with this punishment), crying, and the coup de grâce, “YOU HATE ME!!” Ahhhhh, life with an almost teenager. So much fun. Said NO ONE EVER. And now me too. I felt ill and so very sad because I wanted her to go to the dance! And have fun with her friends! But I just couldn’t let it go this time. I had to put my foot down. But damn it if I didn’t feel as horrible about the whole thing as she did. Was I doing the right thing? Will she be scared for the rest of her life? Was I being too harsh? Should her father & I start sleeping with one eye open!?

So! Yesterday. I’m driving her to school and she says to me, “you know my friends told me that I should ask you if there was something that I could do that would make you change your mind about letting me go to the dance…” Me: blah, blah, blah, more useless lecturing that she’s totally not listening to. As she’s getting out of the car she asks me again, “so what’s your answer?” Me: oh, sweetie, I haven’t changed my mind. And then, after school, there’s yet another attempt but this time it includes a request from her Drama teacher to participate in the Haunted House that’s panned for the school dance. “But MOM she wants me to do this!” Me: well that’s unfortunate because you’re not going to the dance. You know what? You gotta give her props for trying!

 

Thanks for listening, or reading (if you must be technical),

Ciao

 

P.S. Last night she mentions to me that her girlfriend is also not going to the dance due to a punishment so MAYBE they could have a sleepover! Bwahahahahaa. Um, no. I’m certain this isn’t over yet. Two more days till the dance. Here’s to hoping I survive.

Glimpse into the future

**Note: This post was written back in April! I found it in draft mode & finally finished it. Busy much?! The sentiment remain true regardless of the date.**

I've been given a glimpse into my future. Yes, it's true. “How?”, you may ask. And no, I didn't go see a psychic or some such thing. I'll tell you how. The other day the husband and I dropped our two gremlins off to spend a few days with the grandparents. Hallelujah for grandparents!! Seriously. Without them, we would never be able to do anything. Oh, sure, we could find a babysitter for an occasional night out but nothing like this… Five nights and five days of being off the parenting hook, if you will.

So, back to how I've seen my future, I've just spent the whole day doing WHATEVER I want to do! I went and had a pedicure done yesterday, had spa treatments done today, and tomorrow the husband & I are flying out to Las Vegas for some REAL adult fun. Gambling, drinking, dancing, dining at fancy restaurants that have even fancier names, and more gambling! Yeah, I know, we're probably going to hell but at least we'll have good company.

See, the thing is I'm CERTAIN I'll miss my girlies when they're not living at home with us, however that time is not now. I enjoy the breaks that we get to take from each other and truth be told the gremlins love it too because they're endlessly spoiled by their grandparents. I'm pretty sure they're happier with the grandparents than with us. And why wouldn't they be?! They're getting everything they want, whenever they want it. Practically on a silver platter!

I guess I'll just have to be patient and yet again savor the now for I know that only too soon it'll be the future and I'll miss these crazy child rearing days.

 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao!

Married with children

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, I don’t want to rush or wish these years away. However, there is a part of me that can’t wait till my gremlins are grown up and away at college. Why? Because being married and being married with children is NOT the same thing.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

Your relationship with your spouse is majorly affected by children. Right? Would you agree with me on this? Well, if you don’t, then you’re an idiot.

How I interacted with my husband while it was just the two of us is COMPLETELY different than how I interact with him now that we have two daughters. And I know the same is true for him.

All of my childhood, all of his childhood, our experiences with our parents, our experiences with friends, all the cumulative experiences we had growing up play a part in who we are now and how we parent or how we believe we should parent our kids. No duh. But the major problem with this is that we don’t always agree on how we should teach, discipline, reward, punish, and love the children.

Here is the crux of the situation. Not agreeing with each other creates a perfect environment for fighting. Especially when you have two STRONG willed personalities. Personalities that believe they’re always right.

Oh, we got along splendidly when it was just the two of us. When it became the three and then the four of us it wasn’t always so smooth.

I’m not saying it’s bad. Not by ANY stretch. Our life together and our marriage has become stronger than ever before. Deeper, more meaningful. Having children has created challenges, though, unlike anything we EVER thought possible. (Or maybe it was only me dreaming of a perfect life with perfectly behaved children.)

This is why I’m saying I wish the kids were grown up. Because it was sooooooooooo much easier without them! Although I would never trade it. Now that I know what it is like to have the children, I would not ever choose to give them up. They are far, far too precious to me. They have taught me so much. I always use to believe that the kids don’t teach the parents anything. I couldn’t have been MORE wrong. The learning process is so much harder than anything I’ve ever had to learn before. And it very much does happen. The depth of soul searching & questioning is rivaled only by that of being confronted with the death of a parent or someone else as important. At least as far as I’m concerned.

But my gremlins have been great play partners as well! How else would I have a perfect excuse to watch cartoons, learn about Pokemon, and see Justin Beiber movies?!

There are times, many times, when I can’t wait to get to the point when my husband & I can be the two of us again without constant interruptions and disputes.

But! This means wishing my children’s youth away & wishing my own “youth” away as well. And missing out on all these experiences that truly make up a full life. Frankly, I don’t want to be that much closer to death. I’ve still got too much livin’ to do.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing

Elf on the shelf

You see this innocent looking elf sitting so benignly on the shelf? Yeah, it’s a huge thorn in my side! Why? You may ask. Because it is just ONE MORE THING I have to remember in the month of December in addition to the dozen birthdays and two dozen Christmas gifts I have to remember to get, that’s why!!

If you don’t know about this Elf on the Shelf guy, then let me fill you in on the deal… so last year my mother decided we too should enjoy the lovely tradition of the elf on a shelf. This little elf comes with a storybook explaining all about how ‘Clyde’ -as he is known in our house- comes to stay during December to watch the boys and/or girls to make sure they are being good children and then every night he “leaves” to report to Santa Claus as to whether or not they’re behaving. Then he “returns” the next day in a new location somewhere in your home. Can you see where this is going?

I’ve forgotten about moving him 3 of the 7 days of the month already! Oh, I eventually remember to move him but usually it’s the next morning. Last year I lost track of the number of times I awoke in the middle of the night only to scramble outta bed to move him. Last night I forgot entirely & when the gremlins were leaving for school this morning, Pumpkin asked where Clyde was and I said, “Oh S#%T!!” not out loud -obviously- but in my head because he was in exactly the same spot as yesterday!!

I’ll have to come up with a clever story to explain why he didn’t move. Awesome. So much fun!

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),
Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

I found out again while on this trip to China & Singapore, absence makes the heart grow fonder also applies to my children. I guess maybe it applies even more so to my children. We were gone for literally 9 days and by the 9th day I was so ready to see my gremlins immediately (I didn’t want to have to fly for 14 hours to get home to them!). Well, to be honest, by the 6th or 7th day I was starting to see little kids everywhere that reminded me of my own. Or my own at whatever particular age was the child I’d noticed. I found myself thinking more and more about my girlies. And always the good stuff. Not the whining, crying, arguing, and complaining times that seem to populate 90% of our days but recollecting that 10% well manneredness (I don’t care if this isn’t a real word. It is now cause I said so.) that they’re capable of exhibiting.

 

Do I miss my home while on vacation? To some degree. I find that when I travel I begin imagining how I would live in that specific place. What house/apartment would I choose? Would I develop friendships with the women there? Or be isolated & alone? Where would I grocery shop? What restaurants would we haunt? Would the girls get a better education here than at home? How would the girls adapt to riding subway trains everywhere? Or taxis? Or whatever other standard mode of transportation was popular in the region? Like walking! Would their worldview be expanded beyond the edges of America and their little home town? (Yes! Yes, it would.) Does it change my worldview? (Yes, most definitely.) But I find that I come to appreciate what we have more by being away… and isn’t that basically the meaning of absence makes the heart grow fonder? And I could go on for awhile on the luxuries we have that a huge percentage of the world doesn’t have except that isn’t the purpose of this post.

 

All I know is that we tend to forget all the problems we have on a daily basis while we’re traveling. So all negative thoughts of horrible deeds recede from my mind and all positive thoughts fill those empty spots. Now, in my mind, my gremlins are perfect. They’re not gremlins at all! They’re so precious! They’re so angelic! They’re so well behaved! They always do what I ask them to do without complaint! They get along with each other & are so helpful. *Snort* Just wait till we actually get home. Those angels will be demons again. I suppose I can always hope that this time will be different. This time we’ll come back home to the girls and they’ll be all those positive things. One can only hope.

 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing

Siblings

What is it about some kids that makes it nearly impossible for them to get along with their brothers or sisters?
What is it inside that sparks the jealousy and desire to steal parental attention?
And why does it happen even when the parents try to provide equal attention to both children?
What is inside one child to needle, tease, and irritate the other? No matter how many F-ing times you tell me to stop it.
How many more times am I gonna have to say, “for the love of Pete would you leave your sister alone!” or “you two need to get along!”
Sometimes separation works (and at times is absolutely necessary for the survival of the children) but honestly that doesn’t teach them how to work stuff out.
In the real world we have to deal with all different personalities. There isn’t always the chance to just walk away from a person that is up in yer grill. You have to stay to figure it out. Well, what an excellent time to learn how to do that.
The problem for me is how frequently the arguing & fighting is occurring. It has my nerves frazzled beyond belief.
You know what, I don’t remember fighting with my sister as much as these two do.
There are times, rare, rare times when they get along, talk nicely to each other, and help each other. It is like heaven come down to earth. You think I’m exaggerating? For me it feels like heaven.
Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),
Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing