Married with children

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, I don’t want to rush or wish these years away. However, there is a part of me that can’t wait till my gremlins are grown up and away at college. Why? Because being married and being married with children is NOT the same thing.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

Your relationship with your spouse is majorly affected by children. Right? Would you agree with me on this? Well, if you don’t, then you’re an idiot.

How I interacted with my husband while it was just the two of us is COMPLETELY different than how I interact with him now that we have two daughters. And I know the same is true for him.

All of my childhood, all of his childhood, our experiences with our parents, our experiences with friends, all the cumulative experiences we had growing up play a part in who we are now and how we parent or how we believe we should parent our kids. No duh. But the major problem with this is that we don’t always agree on how we should teach, discipline, reward, punish, and love the children.

Here is the crux of the situation. Not agreeing with each other creates a perfect environment for fighting. Especially when you have two STRONG willed personalities. Personalities that believe they’re always right.

Oh, we got along splendidly when it was just the two of us. When it became the three and then the four of us it wasn’t always so smooth.

I’m not saying it’s bad. Not by ANY stretch. Our life together and our marriage has become stronger than ever before. Deeper, more meaningful. Having children has created challenges, though, unlike anything we EVER thought possible. (Or maybe it was only me dreaming of a perfect life with perfectly behaved children.)

This is why I’m saying I wish the kids were grown up. Because it was sooooooooooo much easier without them! Although I would never trade it. Now that I know what it is like to have the children, I would not ever choose to give them up. They are far, far too precious to me. They have taught me so much. I always use to believe that the kids don’t teach the parents anything. I couldn’t have been MORE wrong. The learning process is so much harder than anything I’ve ever had to learn before. And it very much does happen. The depth of soul searching & questioning is rivaled only by that of being confronted with the death of a parent or someone else as important. At least as far as I’m concerned.

But my gremlins have been great play partners as well! How else would I have a perfect excuse to watch cartoons, learn about Pokemon, and see Justin Beiber movies?!

There are times, many times, when I can’t wait to get to the point when my husband & I can be the two of us again without constant interruptions and disputes.

But! This means wishing my children’s youth away & wishing my own “youth” away as well. And missing out on all these experiences that truly make up a full life. Frankly, I don’t want to be that much closer to death. I’ve still got too much livin’ to do.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing

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