If you missed part one of this two part post, then go here and read it now or at your leisure, you decide… I don’t feel like being a tyrant today.
There is already a noticeable difference in their personalities, partly inherent, partly as a result of my mothering them differently. Honey bunny got me all to herself for whole days. We played games together, we went to Gymboree together, we colored together, we made cookies together, went on shopping trips together, and so on. I hovered over her constantly no matter what she was doing. Climbing on the play set -hovering, coloring with markers -hovering, playing with stuffed animals -hovering. Maybe it was protectiveness, maybe it was boredom or loneliness. She was my only companion during the day!
Pumpkin never has me all to herself. We almost never play games just the two of us, we never went to Gymboree together, we don’t color together just the two of us, we rarely make cookies together, and we almost never go on shopping trips unless its to the grocery store or the dry cleaners, and so on. Does this make me a bad mother? Does this mean she will be screwed-up later in life? Or does this mean she will be more able to cope with being alone? Work independently? Function without constant assistance? She plays by herself without complaint.
Example: If we go outside to play, she’ll grab the chalk & start drawing. Honey bunny will grab the Frisbee and say, “mommy come play with me!”
I do have to say that Pumpkin is highly opinionated, which probably comes from being able to make so many decisions for & by herself. This is not to say that I don’t hover over her when she is climbing all over the play set, I’m still over protective on this front. But there is a marked difference in how I act with her than big sister.
I guess we’ll see what they have to say about all this later with their therapists! (Or not since therapists can’t tell you what was said by their client.) But you know what, it just doesn’t matter what we do or how well we try to do it… it will never be good enough. There will always be some part that we did or didn’t do right that they’ll complain about later. I should know; I’ve done it with my Mom. She was a single working mother, she did the best she could with what she had. We never lacked for anything but I still complained about not being driven to school everyday or how she never attended any of the cheerleading events I participated in or football games or whatever. Selfish much? I think this is part of the reason I try to be involved with Honey bunny’s karate and eventually whatever activity in which Pumpkin decides to participate. But as I said above, it still won’t be enough. There will be some thing that I didn’t do that the gremlins wanted or thought I should do and – I’d bet my life on it – that is what they will remember as adults.
Well, got slightly off topic there at the end but it had to be said.
Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),