Yes, it’s true. I’m sorry to have to say it but I had a temper tantrum last week. I just couldn’t take it any more. I reached my limit. I was physically, mentally, emotionally unable to control my temper. Why? I wish I knew. I’ve been asking myself that question constantly. I suppose I could chalk it up to me having my monthly “friend” or the frustration of having our house for sale for the last 8 months or the next to nothing amounts of sleep or the major attitude that Honey bunny was giving me when I told her no more t.v. or nintendo until her homework was done (which I’m pretty sure is a reasonable, responsible request) or the fact that both girls were off school and driving me completely insane. So when the whining started & the “but Mom, but Mom, but Mom” interruptions began, I had a Hiroshima sized temper tantrum. Screaming at the top of my lungs to “stop interrupting me, you are not the one in charge, when I tell you to do something you better go do it, and quit that stomping down the bloody hallway!” All while attempting to unload the groceries from the car. So, several door slammings later… including the trunk of my car ~ twice… that’s right, twice… I actually opened the trunk back up just so I could slam it again. Pumpkin hesitantly asks me, “Mommy, why are you yelling at sissy?” I just wanted to sit on the floor and cry.
The whole thing makes me very disappointed. This is *NOT* how I pictured myself when thinking about the future dealings with my children as they grew up, or life in general. I certainly didn’t want my children to see me so out of control. That is not how I want to be, that’s not how I want them to see me, that’s not how I want them to be. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, far more of children’s behavior is caught rather than taught. I know this. And when I see them acting like me, exactly like me ~ the stance, the tone, the look, the words ~ I can only be mad at myself. They’re just doing like Mom. I think that’s part of what makes me disappointed. I have more patience than that. I can be a more patient mother. I know I have it in me.
I’m feeling better now which is why I think I can finally write about this “experience”. Frankly, it’s long passed due for Mommy to have a Time Out. I need to be sent to my room for 37 minutes (they say the age of the child should be used to help determine the length of a time out) or longer, with no talking or t.v. watching or game playing. Just some nice quiet time to reflect on my behavior and think about how I can handle the situation better in the future. Cause isn’t that what the whole purpose of a time out is? For our children to stop whatever it is they’re doing (that we don’t like, don’t want them to do ever again, could possible hurt or maim themself or others) and reflect and think about what they can do next time?
Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),